What is attachment-based therapy?
Attachment-based therapy is a form of psychotherapy grounded in attachment theory, which looks at how our earliest relationships shape the way we relate to ourselves and others throughout life. At its core, these therapies aim to help people understand—and gently reshape—the relational patterns they learned in childhood that may still be influencing their adult relationships, sense of safety, beliefs about the world, and emotional regulation.
Additionally, these therapies are especially helpful for people who feel “high-functioning” but disconnected or unfulfilled, have a history of relational trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, struggle with intimacy and emotional expression, are recovering from narcissistic abuse or chronic gaslighting and invalidation, and those who long to be more seen, known, and secure in their relationships.
Core idea of Attachment-Based Therapies
We all have attachment patterns. This doesn’t mean we are defective or something about us is wrong- it means we are human and inherently impacted by our relationships! Oftentimes our patterns show up in ways that make us feel out of control in our closest relationships. You may already know one way of describing attachment patterns as “attachment styles” (secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized). These styles or patterns are developed based on how consistently our early caregivers responded to our needs. As mentioned above, these patterns often operate outside of awareness but show up later as:
Difficulty trusting or depending on others
Fear of abandonment or rejection
Emotional shutdown or self-reliance to a fault
Repeating painful relationship dynamics
Attachment-based therapies work to bring these patterns into awareness and create new relational experiences that feel safer and more secure. This gives us a chance to be authentic in our relationships, ask for our needs to be met, and break out of the feelings of urgency, fear, and overwhelm in relationships.
What happens in an attachment based therapy session?
The therapeutic relationship itself is central in one-on-one attachment therapies; whereas, the relationship between the members of a partnership is the central focus of growth in attachment based couples and family therapies. In sessions, the therapist intentionally provides a secure base—a relationship marked by consistency, attunement, boundaries, and emotional safety and models safety for clients to begin practicing vulnerability and expressing attachment needs with each other in couples and family therapies. Over time, this allows clients to:
Explore emotions without being overwhelmed or shut down
Notice how they attach, protect, or disconnect in relationships
Repair relational ruptures in real time
Develop greater self-compassion and emotional regulation
Rather than just focusing on symptoms or behaviors, the work goes deeper into how you learned to relate and what you needed but didn’t receive. A therapist might prompt clients to slow down and notice body sensations, memories, and deeper feelings about what they’re experiencing in the moment. This allows clients to elicit attachment feelings and connect them to what is happening in the session. In couples sessions this makes it easier to communicate what is important and needed from the other partner in order for the relationship to feel safe. In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a highly evidence based attachment based couples therapy, the therapist will use moments like those mentioned above to ease partners into turning towards the other partner and communicating the attachment emotion and need. This creates a healing experience by deeping communication and understanding between partners.
Most of all, what makes these therapies stand out is they welcome ALL emotions into the room because they hold a core belief that emotions guide us towards our relational needs.
